Take over control.

Good evening Lovelies,

I am spending my weekend at home, in my family town, laying all day long in my bed, cover with my quilt, drinking hot tea. Have to say, it is been a long time since I spend two days at home doing.. nothing. When I am in my appartment, with my brother, I go to the University, do fitness, work and after a long day I am so exhausted that I do not have time to think about something else than maths, microekonomy  or my soreness. While I am here.. the situation is more than different.
I have always had troubles with my feelings. I am a peron, who is running out of all unpleasent, compliquated moments in my life. Running out= avoiding. IF there is something in my life that I wish never happened.. I just pretend that it never happened. I do not deal with my feeling, because I pretend they are not here. I put everything into a separate boxes, lock them and never EVER open them again. And if you think it is ok, that it is working- you could not be more wrong. It works for me while we are talking about those special situations, I do not want to face them, because I know it will destroy me and I will never get up by myself. I will never be the same person. I will never be.. me. But what is worst, it menaged to came into my life and it destroys my relationships and me. Something what has been saving me for all those years has become my worst weapon. Even know when I am sitting alone it is hard for me to write this, because my brain constantly shuts down every thought. This is why I created this website. I have learn how to open my mind, I have to be able to say what I want to say. I have to take over control, because right know, my brain is taking control for me.

Always Yours, H.