Good evening Lovelies,
I am spending my weekend at home, in my family town, laying all day long in my bed, cover with my quilt, drinking hot tea. Have to say, it is been a long time since I spend two days at home doing.. nothing. When I am in my appartment, with my brother, I go to the University, do fitness, work and after a long day I am so exhausted that I do not have time to think about something else than maths, microekonomy or my soreness. While I am here.. the situation is more than different.
I have always had troubles with my feelings. I am a peron, who is running out of all unpleasent, compliquated moments in my life. Running out= avoiding. IF there is something in my life that I wish never happened.. I just pretend that it never happened. I do not deal with my feeling, because I pretend they are not here. I put everything into a separate boxes, lock them and never EVER open them again. And if you think it is ok, that it is working- you could not be more wrong. It works for me while we are talking about those special situations, I do not want to face them, because I know it will destroy me and I will never get up by myself. I will never be the same person. I will never be.. me. But what is worst, it menaged to came into my life and it destroys my relationships and me. Something what has been saving me for all those years has become my worst weapon. Even know when I am sitting alone it is hard for me to write this, because my brain constantly shuts down every thought. This is why I created this website. I have learn how to open my mind, I have to be able to say what I want to say. I have to take over control, because right know, my brain is taking control for me.
Always Yours, H.
sobota, 2 listopada 2013
Release.
Good morning Lovelies,
"Four years of my life. They say, that there is no time as hightschool. I remember my first day at school, I felt like a prom queen, like a top model, rock star, governor of USA and pape in one peron. I knew that I am going to run this school. And then I met him. I remember first time when I saw him. He was walking with his friend, talking, laughting, looking completely chilled out, like he would not care about a thing. He looked at me, smiled and that how it started. Sounds cliche? Oh it really is. Easy story, they fall in love, but never admit it. She gets drunk, send a message to wrong person (yes, to him. Nicely guessed) and since that eveyrything change. Four years of my life. Those days were the most energy and time-consuming process I have ever had to deal with. I loved him to death. I would give him my heart, my home, my last bite of sandwitch If I had to. He destroyed me and saved me milions of times. But what is most important, he made me this person which I am today and that is something I will always be gratefull for. Over last few months I have done things that I am proud for. I did not go to Africa to help other people and I did not co-found charity, but I faced my fears and kicked their ass. You might be wondering how eveything ended. Well we do not speak that is for sure. Last time I saw him first time since graduation, which was nearly two years ago. I do not know what I felt but I know what I did not feel- love. And that was the most releasing feeling in my life.
Always Yours, H.
"Four years of my life. They say, that there is no time as hightschool. I remember my first day at school, I felt like a prom queen, like a top model, rock star, governor of USA and pape in one peron. I knew that I am going to run this school. And then I met him. I remember first time when I saw him. He was walking with his friend, talking, laughting, looking completely chilled out, like he would not care about a thing. He looked at me, smiled and that how it started. Sounds cliche? Oh it really is. Easy story, they fall in love, but never admit it. She gets drunk, send a message to wrong person (yes, to him. Nicely guessed) and since that eveyrything change. Four years of my life. Those days were the most energy and time-consuming process I have ever had to deal with. I loved him to death. I would give him my heart, my home, my last bite of sandwitch If I had to. He destroyed me and saved me milions of times. But what is most important, he made me this person which I am today and that is something I will always be gratefull for. Over last few months I have done things that I am proud for. I did not go to Africa to help other people and I did not co-found charity, but I faced my fears and kicked their ass. You might be wondering how eveything ended. Well we do not speak that is for sure. Last time I saw him first time since graduation, which was nearly two years ago. I do not know what I felt but I know what I did not feel- love. And that was the most releasing feeling in my life.
Always Yours, H.
Subskrybuj:
Posty (Atom)